Blind Clarity

One thing I’ve noticed lately is that so many of the people I come into contact with feel so sorry for me because I’m blind. 

They say things like

I’m so sorry!

I pray every day for you that one day you’ll get your vision back

I don’t know how you do it I’d be so depressed if it was me

But the truth is being blind isn’t the worst thing that could ever happen to me

I mean I’d try to throw myself a pity party but I don’t have the energy to blow up that many balloons

Instead I’ve focused my mind on all of the many wonderful and positive things I have in my life

I have wonderful amazing children who make me laugh and bring me joy everyday

I have an amazing partner who supports and nourishes my wild endeavors and is always quick to drop what he’s doing to cheer me on 

I have friends who make me feel loved and thought of

I have an amazing business where I get to connect with people from all over the world 

I mean honestly what do I have to complain about

And no,blind is not a good enough answer

Being blind has in no way diminished any of the wonderful things I have in my life

If anything it has giving me the time to stop and appreciate them 

The only time it sucks being blind is when I really want to see something but then I’m reminded that it could be so much worse and so I accept those moments for what they are and keep moving forward

The reality is that as an artist I’ve painted a pretty beautiful world in my mind anyway 

Sort of my own what dreams may come sort of existence

With ice cream sundae mountains and bubble gum bushes and cotton candy trees (I totally live in the candyland board game)

While you’re stuck with the reality of what things look like I on the other hand get to imagine the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen so maybe I’m the one that should feel bad for you

Venom

For those not caught up to speed I’m blind now

It’s only been a few months so it’s still a recent development but I’ve spent the last few months learning a lot about myself and decided to share my new journey because one of the things I’ve realized recently is that you don’t need vision to see clearly 

Last week I had the most vivid dream

I watched myself paint a painting for hours like a fly on the wall

By the time I woke up I knew I had to get started before the image became less vivid in my mind

I don’t know why I felt so compelled to paint this I just knew that I felt the need with so much urgency I couldn’t ignore it

I assumed that like most of the things I make this would be something I would sell so I started

It was an easy and frustrating process all at the same time it eventually I finished

Right before I finished though my son topher came and started telling me how amazing I was doing 

He couldn’t believe I was painting this blind he was blown away that I could do this somehow and he asked 

are you going to sell it

Of course I said I’m going to try

How much are you going to sell it for he said out of curiosity

I have no idea honestly I don’t even know if it’s good enough to sell or if anyone would see value in it but maybe $150 and hopefully someone will think it’s worth that much

Mommy don’t sell it I’ll save my money and I’ll buy it from you

Honey you don’t have to buy anything from me I love you

I finished and later that night sitting alone with my thoughts in the dark it hit me like the rear view mirror I walked into that day

I can’t sell it

I now know why I painted this 

It doesn’t matter what it looks like or if it’s good at all 

I honestly don’t even care 

I thought I would but now that it’s finished I realize that it being worth something to some stranger wasn’t the point

It’s the idea that no matter what obstacles lay before you if you work hard enough and focus it is possible to accomplish anything you set your mind to

That no matter what happens in life if you keep moving that anything is possible even the things that may sound unachievable

During this phase of my life whether it’s temporary or not I will get to choose what direction I go in even if I can’t see the path anymore and every day I’m going to show my children through example that life is full of setbacks but no matter what life hits you with you just have to keep getting back up and come back harder and better than you were before

This painting is priceless and I can’t think of a better place for it to hang than in my sons room